Friday, November 25, 2005, 12:13 PM
I used to write at Blogspot back in 2003, but I deleted my blog after creating an AOL Journal. So I'm going to dedicate the last swallow of coffee in my smiley face cup to this, my inaugural entry at Still Unhinged.
For the last week or so, I've been engaged in Blogger template tweakage hell. It's been all-consuming and frustrating, but fascinating also. I haven't decided if that's a good fascination to have because it could distract me from writing. Lately I haven't felt like writing, but I know myself well enough to know that I can tweak until Kingdom Come and I'll still be squinting at the computer screen weighing color choice, font size, and cyber fringes to be placed just so in the sidebar ... and whether or not the sidebar should be on the left or right. Or if I should keep the lavender or go black ... or white for Oogie because dark text is easier to read against a white background. Preoccupation over the color of the walls shouldn't supersede the art on the wall.
I was on Journal hiatus when the AOL ad brouhaha blew up, so there were no outraged e-mails or posts from my corner. I hated the look of the ads, but I knew as soon as I saw them there that it was time to move on. I didn't feel much anger about it; partly because I knew it wasn't going to make a damn bit of difference to get angry, partly because I just didn't care. And I know that's because so much has changed in my life this year. I got divorced. Said goodbye to my best friend. Buddy died. I live in another state, have a new job, am without a car and live a completely different life. Most of the time I feel as if I am holding on by my fingernails. Having to start over in another blog place seemed trite.
Next May, I'll say goodbye to AOL, which is where I met my now ex-husband. It will be like another plot resolution in my story. I'm a bit heartbroken to say goodbye to Unhinged, but I feel as if I accomplished what I set out to do there. Another chapter is finished, but I can read back through it whenever I choose. And I can still find the people who helped make the community what it was to me.
I go back and forth about sharing this blog with the world at large. I want to be read, but the thing is, I just don't feel like being a part of a community right now. It would be too much work and I'm finding it difficult to be interested in anything. So I'm hanging out on the fringes where there's less pressure, where it's more quiet and not as bright. It's the best thing for me right now.