ABCDEFG ... HIJKLahmentopee
Thursday, April 26, 2007, 8:55 PM

Totally grocked this from Ally.

A-Available or Single?
Single. Available only if someone makes me blush as furiously as I do him.

B-Best Friend
I got divorced from my best friend. Haven't let anyone fill that role yet.

C-Cake or Pie
Cake. I love pie, but for me, it's having my cake and eating it.

D-Drink of Choice
Peet's Columbia or French blend, followed by almost any type of wine by Robert Mondavi.

E-Essential Item(s)
Cell phone, Ipod, Chapstick, Mary Janes

F- Favorite Color(s)
Red. I love red.

G- Gummi Bears or Worms?
Yuuuuch. I like the gummy Life Savers, though.

H- Hometown
Fort Wayne, Indiana. (Ally! You live in LA?!!!)

I- Indulgence
Books, Wine, Clothes

J- January or February
Uh, neither? January is a let down after Christmas and February is all about Valentine's Day. (I'll take October and December!)

K- Kids
I am not mom material.

L- Life is incomplete without
Self-love. (This is Ally's answer. Also mine.)

M- Marriage Date
Come and gone.

N- Number of Siblings
One sissy. You'd love her. Everybody does.

O- Oranges or Apples?
Apples, because I use them for a lot of things. But oranges are great, too, yanno.

P- Phobias/Fears
On the off chance the devil is reading this, I will not share these.

Q- Favorite Quote
I don't know. I guess I like the idea that when we fall down, we should get back up again, no matter what.

R- Reasons to smile
My sense of humor, my family, the way life surprises me, the unlikely and surprising ways I learn that I matter in the course of things, the color and smell of the grass, how people love their pets, the sound of a sneeze, songs that take me back, a good belly laugh.

S- Season
Like Ally, I choose Fall. The colors, the smells, the snap in the air ... nothing strikes a match to my imagination faster than Fall.

T- Tag Three
1. You
2. You
3. Not you

U- Unknown Fact About Me
In the first grade, my teacher thought I was thisside of retarded ... and so I had to go through specialized testing in a room with a cardboard table in front a huge mirror, behind which was Oogie and other people. It was scary.

V – Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animals?
Um, neither. Although I've said often enough that if I were to witness the event of an animal being killed for consumption, that'd be it ... I'd be a tofu girl for life.

W- Worst Habit(s)
Shee, I'm only naming one. Laziness.

X – X-rays or Ultrasounds?
Ultrasounds are way cool.

Y- Your Favorite Foods
Fried taters, a ketschupy hamburger, Hershey's chocolate, extra extra sharp cheddar cheese, cabernet wine, zucchini bread, plain strawberry Poptarts, French bread

Z- Zodiac
Aries. The ram. Indpendent, proud, brave, brash, rash.

6 Did the Unhingey Jiggy Engage in Unhingenosity
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On biting myself

Sunday night, I bit myself on the front lower lip while eating a baked potato. A friggen baked potato.

It's now Thursday night and I've bitten myself in the same damn spot every day since. Which keeps it from healing. I stick my tongue against the spot at odd times during the day, probably looking like I've got one of those malted milk balls in my mouth. Is it still there? My tongue asks the inner lining of my mouth. Ah, yep.

A moment ago I wanted to kill myself because of a piece of chicken that lead to one of my front teeth sinking into my sore spot. God, it hurt! Ow, ow, ow, etc. Sucks. Life hasn't been this dangerously tender since I wore braces in the Dark Ages.

I've heard gargling with salt and warm water will help the spots heal quicker. I wonder how good of a remedy that will be, though, because I keep chomping on the same godfreaking spot.

I want a blender.

1 Did the Unhingey Jiggy Engage in Unhingenosity
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Interview Meme
Sunday, April 22, 2007, 5:56 PM

These are questions Stacey of Everyone Loves An Underdog asked of me. She showed no quarter, and so neither have I in the answering. It's the Interview Meme.

1. People in L.A. always seem to have star sighting stories. What celebrity do you wish you'd run into?

Run into as in the literal sense? Keanu Reeves, as long as he isn't smoking a cigarette at the time. We'd bump into each other chest-first and I'd fall to the ground at his feet because I have no sense of balance ... and his fingers would be warm around my wrist as he pulls me up ... God knows what I'd say to him, but I'd blog about every hoaky, embarrassing moment.

But you know what? I think it'd be cool to meet someone who I had no idea was a celeb. Not until later. Thinking about it is romantic for me on so many levels.

2. If you had the power to go back in time and change one thing about your life, what would you do differently?

There are a number of things I would do differently, but probably the best, most important thing I could change for myself happened before I was truly aware of who I was. I can't remember the moment I first began comparing myself to my sister and feeling that I fell short, but if I'd never done that, never felt the ickiness, I would have learned to like who I am a lot sooner.

3. What's the weirdest comment/email you've ever gotten in response to your blog?

For the most part, I don't get too many weird comments or emails because I know most of the people who comment here or who send me email. I've met some wonderful and fun people who have found me via my blog, who I'd never have met otherwise. A sincere email saying hi, howdy, hello, I'm a fan beats weird any day.

But since you asked, I did get frankenspamed on my Pain in the butt advertising entry about Brad-freaking-Lenz and how I kept seeing signs around L.A. asking me who he was--and how I didn't care, but the signs wouldn't let me stop caring--and so I blogged about it. A number of anonymous comments followed in response to the entry and the mirror was definitely too big for all of them, but the comment that made me do my monkey bark laugh was this one:

awww whos the bitter betty? carol niki? Im sure you are one of the characters written about in the film.

Little did I know that this mini vent would bring the teenagers on a rampage to my burp of the 'hood, but that's often how it is. It's a crapshoot knowing which entires might strike a chord with readers, good or bad, but it's always interesting.

4. What's the title of your future best-selling novel?

I'm a fan of one word titles, of short-word titles. All of the story titles I've ever given my stories are short.

Rude Awakening

Death By Moonlight

Angel Feathers

Macestaken Identity



It'll be evocatively succint.

5. Many friends and acquaintances come and go throughout our lives. When these people think of you, what do you think they remember about you? (Bonus question: How would you like to be remembered?)

That I'm fun, have a good heart, that I'm incredibly brave, weird, crazy, willing to try almost anything. That I'm intelligent, capable, independent, creative, have a great sense of style. That I'm quiet, but not. That I'm nice, but not. That I take them by surprise. That I'm real, and always more than who I seem.

I'd just like to be remembered, period.



1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions (or share here in the Comments section).
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

6 Did the Unhingey Jiggy Engage in Unhingenosity
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Dancing with the Stars or Close-Up Toothpaste
Tuesday, April 17, 2007, 8:56 PM

I can't believe I'm watching this show.

So I'm watching, okay? They show too many damn commericals, but it's still fun. I hoot and hollar and clap and act the Jester and isn't that what TV is all about? If it's not, don't tell me.

But the thing that really amazes me aren't the dance moves. It's those few pulse beats after the music stops and the couples hold the last move of the dance, and they're smiling widely ... and I see how white their teeth are.

3 Did the Unhingey Jiggy Engage in Unhingenosity
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Testing? Texting? Testing.
Monday, April 16, 2007, 9:24 PM

My name is Andi and I can't text for shit.

I get lost trying to find the h. The t. The exclamation point (even though that's a writerly no-no). And paragraphs? Forget about paragraphs. The only way I know how to do them is to hit the space twice. I think, anyway. I haven't gotten that far into it all; mostly all I worry about communicating is a single brain burp.

Texting makes me crazy.

T, it's your fault.

6 Did the Unhingey Jiggy Engage in Unhingenosity
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Wednesday, April 11, 2007, 6:17 PM

Can a spider blink?

I read this question on a bulletin board today and laughed myself into a runny nose. One of the answers was: Maybe if you threw sand into its eyes.

And I was off and laughing again.


I've taken a number of photos with my nifty new camera and they all look gorgeous. Because I've got such a high pixel setting going on (and don't know how to change it to a lower pixel setting yet, since that would involve reading the manual), I can't play with any of them. All I can do is upload them to Blogger in all their glory. Hence, the wee figure of the redheaded girl--surrounded by the bigger margins of glass and brick--in the window to the left.


This morning before the alarm woke me, I dreamed about missing silverware at work. I needed a fork in the worst way and when I opened the drawer, there were no forks to be found. But you know what? We've been noticing that our silverware has been disappearing. Why I dreamed about this and not about sex or flying (I have a thing about flying) is beyond me. I have a wee theory about the missing silverware, though. There's this girl at work who keeps throwing her forks away. She's done it twice that I know of. Maybe she's thrown more forks away than I think ...


I heard on the radio this morning that Kelly Clarkson will soon have her own brand of vitamin water. Sheeshus! I don't feel sorry for her for having to lose weight first, either, because this is ridiculous. Don't we have enough bottled water available already? Isn't La Clarkson rich enough already? What's next? Kleenex? Crackers? Rugs? All of these personal celebrity-named products make me chortle mightilty (and snicker heavily, sigh noisily, roll my eyes exaggeratedly, and gag myself repeatedly).


Uh, Dr. Phil's slogan for, it doesn't hurt to look, is a big fat lie. They will not let me look unless I create a profile of my own.

And I ain't gonna, dammit.

3 Did the Unhingey Jiggy Engage in Unhingenosity
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Fuzzily yours
Monday, April 09, 2007, 6:26 PM

It's been a while since I let a whole week go by without a new blog entry.

That's why I'm here now.

(Sheesh, am I in a time warp again? Last I knew, it was Wednesday.)

I got a new camera! A Canon Powershot A550. I knew I'd like this one because I know someone who has the model one-step-down from this one. And man! That thing is dah bomb. That means mine is going to be the diggity bomb. And the price! Mmmmmwah.

So in honor of my new camera, I figured I'd post one last darkly blurry photo for posterity's sake. As soon as I figure out how to program the date into the thing, I'll be ready to join the rest of the (normal) photo-snapping race.

4 Did the Unhingey Jiggy Engage in Unhingenosity
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Monday, April 02, 2007, 9:19 PM

This is a meme I've seen going around. It doesn't have a name (so far as I can tell), so I'm going to call it the 40453.


1) Bum a cigarette?
2) Look at that Pinkfoot Goliath tarantula beauty!
3) I have to check with Keanu (Reeves) first.
4) I’m sorry, I’m not allowed to accept money.
5) Franz, take me to the helipad pronto.

1) Twilight Zone by Golden Earring
2) Manic Monday by The Bangles
3) April Fool by Soul Asylum

1) Getting a complete head-to-toe make over
2) Accepting a Cosmopolitan from the hand of a sultry-eyed man
3) Screaming myself hoarse over winning the lottery
4) Saving someone or something (cat, dog, mouse) from imminent death!

1) Peachy Frogg
2) The Stop Stops
3) Uranass
4) Monkey Bark
5) The Shoos

1) Not Ready to Make Nice by The Dixie Chicks (God, I hate this song!!!!!!!!)
2) La Bamba
3) Almost anything from Celine-fricking-Dion


So, um, meme-wise, no one has to do this, unless they wanna. Although I dare Stacey to, just 'cause I've never seen her do a meme.


And just because you don't have a blog (or don't write in it regularly) doesn't mean you can't share your answers in the comment section, Oogie. Carol. Sandra. Pote. Michelle.


6 Did the Unhingey Jiggy Engage in Unhingenosity
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Unhinged ... lives
Sunday, April 01, 2007, 9:19 PM

Springtime in Los Angeles means more wind than usual and more gray skies, but not today. It’s sunny and in the mid-seventies. My sunglasses are heavy on my nose (because I didn’t get the feather-damned-weights) and I see everything through an amber light. It reminds me of movies like Erin Brocovich and The Matrix, which were both filmed in a colored lense that suggested a sense of oppression. I’d take the sunglasses off, but I don’t have my other pair of glasses and removing them would mean I'd be like one of the three blind mice … and besides, anybody living in L.A. knows that you don’t step foot outside the door without a pair of shades on your nose.

So I’m walking down my street’s sidewalk, scoping out the doggies, patches of green grass, and apartment balconies. I wish I had one. Maybe in two years. Maybe here, maybe not, who knows? It’s quiet outside for an early Sunday afternoon and I figure people are either hung over or away for the day, but whichever it happens to be, it’s nice. And I’m happy being here.

2 Did the Unhingey Jiggy Engage in Unhingenosity
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