Bus ride 54
Wednesday, December 14, 2005, 7:41 PM

One stop after I got on the bus tonight, an elderly gentleman got on. He was arguing before he'd climbed onto the second step, but I couldn't understand what he was saying because it was in another language. The bus driver, the lady who likes to listen to power girls like Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey, told him to take a seat. When he didn't, she told him to sit down and be quiet or she'd make him (and the poor lady who got on with him) get off. And all the time he's jabbering away in his language, the bus driver is answering him in English. Did she understand him?

Italian Man: Siete presto. Il cugino Ned e Jake non è qui ancora!
(You're early. Cousin Ned and Jake have to make it here!)

Bus driver: Just get on the bus if you're getting on the bus.

Italian Man: Devono ottenere all'aeroporto di LASSISMO. Come che vanno ottenere là?
(They have to get to the LAX airport. How they going to get there?)

Bus driver: Sir, please take your seat.

Italian man: Perchè siete qui così presto? L'ultima volta eravate in ritardo 30 mintues ed abbiamo mancato il nostro aeroplano. Ed ora Ned e Jake stanno andando mancare l'aeroplano perché siete presto. Voi driver di bus! Mai in tempo! Che cosa stanno andando fare? Non potete arresto qui per dieci minuti--
(Why are you here so early? Last time you were 30 minutes late and we missed our airplane. Now Ned and Jake are going to miss the airplane because you're early. You bus drivers! Never on time! What are they going to do? Can't you stop here for ten min--)

Okay, enough of that.

A few stops later, the real fun began. A black guy in white shorts and a white T-shirt climbed on (it's dark by now, in the low 60s and people are in coats, hats and scarves). He was wearing sunglasses, a hat and music earphones. And he sat next to me because I was in the third seat from the front. For the first five minutes, all was good. And then ...

"Psssspt," he said. It sounded like when a baby is being spoon-fed liquefied carrots and makes the spitty sound. At first I thought he'd farted. And as I'm looking at him, he purses his lips and makes the spitty sound again. How lucky can a girl get?

"Up on the roof top," he adds and bobs his head. I can't tell if he's looking at me or not because the glasses are too dark. I think I made a sound of my own then before I turned back to the window.

The moon was almost full today. Actually, it looked like a werewolf moon with gray whispy clouds in front of it. I guess I could blame today's events on that. Seems as good a reason as any to me.

Pssspt.

5 Did the Unhingey Jiggy Engage in Unhingenosity
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