More family holiday highlights
Tuesday, November 28, 2006, 7:21 PM

Stuff that happened or was said over the holiday that’s easier for me to recount randomly.


“If you point your butt at me and fart again, there’s going to be trouble,” Rhonda said to D, her youngest. D is at the age where farts and fart sounds are a knee-slapper. And besides, what would Thanksgiving be without a good fart or two?

“You’ve changed,” Grandma said to me. Then she sat staring at me in silence, which gave me a complex. Was this change for the better? Do I want to know?

“He’s nuts. He’ll hide in the ditch and when a car comes, he’ll jump out at it. He drives me crazy,” Rhonda said of her wild-eyed Doberman-Dalmatian mix dog.

“You two aren’t even on speaking terms?!” I asked my sister upon hearing that she and her boyfriend (the other host) were fighting. Whereupon she told me I could make anyone laugh, so I should focus my whatever-it-is on him.

“Harley! Get away from there!”

“No, I don’t want to do it, I’ve never carved a turkey in my life,” the host confessed. I told him that by the second turkey (because we had two) he’d be a pro.

“Harley! Shut up!”

“Mom said the turkeys aren’t done on the bottom,” Rhonda said to me. I took a swig of my wine, stalked out to the dining room table where the turkeys were, then shoved the lifters under the biggest turkey to peer at the underside of the bird. Oogie just can’t stand not being in control. (It was perfect, by the way.)

“Harley! Stop breathing on me!”

This is all I can remember at the moment. It’s late, I’ve worked all day and I have cinnamon chicken to eatith.

3 Did the Unhingey Jiggy Engage in Unhingenosity
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