To NaNo or not to NaNo
Saturday, October 18, 2008, 10:08 AM
So National Novel Writing Month is almost here. I received my sign-up reminder email on Friday and read it with a sense of dread because I've tried and failed at at NaNoWriMo three years running and I don't want to go for a fourth. I'd love to try it again--to feel that sense of optimism, to actively work towards a goal. But until I read everyone's comments, I wasn't even going to consider giving NaNo another shot. Now that I am, I blame you all.
I don't know. The idea of trying again keeps popping in my head. If I tried, I'd have to crawl out from under my blanket of negativity. Lord, I hate the tone of this post already and it's only the second paragraph. I'm trying to wing it, to write what I feel, but I feel blocked. As soon as I get a thought, I lose it. Can't friggen concentrate. Hah! I've already rewritten this post a couple of times.
So there's that part of me, the part that is so good at sabotaging and insulting me. Why do I have to be so good at that? Why can't I be good at the optimistic, go get 'em, tiger thing? Who's in charge of this stuff, anyway?
Oh, right. Me.
I'm working up to the idea of NaNoWriMo. I'm trying to get over the urge to gag at being positive and pro-active. And yes, I know the word trying isn't a good one when it comes to this--either I do or I will. I can write crap. But will I write crap? It'll be another thing I have to do. Another thing for my list.
But I am. Thinking about it. Obviously, I need to let go.