Peeing on tape
Saturday, June 17, 2006, 6:11 PM

Back in the early eighties, tape recording was dah bomb. If you wanted to catch your favorite artist's song on the radio, you friggen tape recorded it, bumps, skips and all. One of my favorite tape recorded songs was during the television-cast of the movie Halloween. Right in the middle of the spooky music there was the sound of my sister whispering, "Kill, kill, kill, kill. Stab, stab, stab, stab."

She ruined my song, but I have to admit that her words added a certain nuance to the Halloween party I'd recorded the song for.

But before that, there was uncensored sounds from the john, which involved:

The bathroom.

The tape recorder.

One trigger-happer soul who had to pee.

The object was to capture the most entertaining bathroom act. No sound was ommitted.

The door closes with a bang. Maybe softly. It depended on the recorder's mood, really.

Is that a zipper? It might be from a Levi's pair of jeans, maybe a Lee's, but it's definitely female because there's a whoosh of material and everyone knows guys don't have to pull their pants down to pee, the bastiges.

A whomp, a sigh.

Tinkle.

A sigh of bliss? Was that what that was?

Silence.

Tinkle, tinkle.

Another sigh. Maybe the sound of the toilet paper roll. Maybe the sound of a newspaper or magazine.

Giggle. (Because listeners can't see you with elbows on your knees, grinning down at your feet that are encircled in whitewashed denim. Your socks are coming off at the ankles and you laugh freely, demonically. Ah, life's little joys.)

Tinkle-tinkle-tinkle.

Fwooooooppshhhhh.

A well-timed fart was all. Something your bored audience wasn't expecting and after all, the name of the game was to take 'em by surprise, to make them laugh, to make them feel as if they were in there with you.

~*~*~*~

I'm not sure who started this craze, but soon the whole 'hood was doing it. Me. Rhonda. Tracy. Jeff. Gail. Oogie. Pat. Chris. Eric. Nancy. Ron. Kids, teenagers, adults! That's what made it so great ... that everyone saw the quirky craziness of it all.

How unique was your bathroom experience?

And were you up to sharing it with the rest of us?

God, we had fun. I want to cry remembering the fun we had, and my heart breaks at the thought that these tapes aren't around today. It's stupid, it's crazy, it's embarrassing, but it's history. It was us on tape, for all posterity. Who can beat that?

Who'd want to?

Take your judgements and bury 'em under your liver pate. Deep.

I'm going pee.
5 Did the Unhingey Jiggy Engage in Unhingenosity
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