Mistakes of Monday
Monday, May 22, 2006, 6:51 PM

Count 'em with me.

1. Decided not to unwrap a fresh bar of Ivory, thought I could make do with the thickish sliver left behind. I lost five minutes of morning time trying to make enough soap lather (which is why I was five minutes late to work).

2. Ate 1-1/2 cups of rice for lunch. God. I love rice. God. My poor tummy. Too much for lunch makes you want to roll instead of stroll. And let me say here and now that I miss the naps I was forced to take as a kindergartoner, and I think the general population should re-visit napping practices and that the president, governor, mayor, CEO, whomever, should pass new nap laws. We all know that six-year-olds don't need naps.

I think the general workforce should be given a one-hour's nap time. Most people won't nap the entire time because they'll be thinking of deadlines, filets done medium well, the obnoxious way Bruce snores, how many calories might be in a bite of a Trader Joe's dark chocolate candy bar, or sex in unlikely places, but all the average adult really needs is a 15-minute nap. Anything more than that makes you feel like you've been beaten with a wet rag.

3. Drank too much coffee. Felt none of the giddy caffienne-ish side effects, only made numerous visits to the john, where afterwards I bared my coffee-furred teeth in the mirror.

4. Opened an umbrella inside of a building. It was wet (it was raining today) and it needed to dry off, so I opened it in the kitchen where I work in the hopes that the kitcheny workplace would confuse whatever bad luck might be craving my hide.

5. Found out how swiftly bad luck kicks one in the ass when I arrived home to find that my kitchen pipe had burst and entirely soaked the kitchen and part of the living room carpet.

I must finish my wine now.

5 Did the Unhingey Jiggy Engage in Unhingenosity
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