Wednesday, February 21, 2007, 7:25 PM
I don't feel like writing lately.
It makes me mad, sad, disgusted with myself.
I still miss my orange Pooky cat more than I should. I've dreamed of him as a kitty that has the ability to make himself multiply faster than a jack rabbit and I'm aswarm with little orange Pooky cats, and I feel awful because I can't give equal attention and love to all of them. And each of those little kitty boys are Pooky and I can't stand the thought of any one of them being overlooked, it's like a knife in my heart.
I've dreamed that Pooky's a hollow vessel -- a soft, warm, living breathing cat on the outside, but hollow on the inside like a plastic piggy bank. An empty piggy bank. I can't even begin to describe what I felt in the dream. Awful.
I've dreamed that Pooky's turned into a skinny, dirty female gray cat that no one wants because she's missing a limb and in its place is a steel rod. But because I took the time to pay attention to her in my dream, I discovered that she could talk (like a human) and she told me where I could find ... well, Pooky. When I went where she said, he was already gone, so I adopted the gray kitty.
There have been good dreams, too, but it's the cold, sad ones I remember. And so here I am, the neurotic kitty nightmare girl. Oogie would be so proud.