Sunday, January 28, 2007, 8:34 PM

Number one on my list of pet peeves is inconsideration, which comes in many forms. I know I’ve been inconsiderate myself, every single time I’ve been late somewhere and as a result, have made someone else wait for me.

But excessive noise where I live is where I have to draw the line. I hate noisy, inconsiderate people with surround sound systems in an apartment complex. Buy a fucking house. And while you’re at it, buy yourself a pair of headphones and blare the noise into your own damn head because 95% of the rest of the population could care less about what you’re listening to.

I hate people who don’t know how to close a door quietly. I’ve been living here almost twelve months and in that time, I can’t tell you how often I’ve been startled awake or have almost jumped out of my skin because people slam their doors. There’s a couple across the hall who does this, and so does the neighbor girl at the end. I’d like to smash a pair of cymbals over their heads in the wee hours of the morning. If I still had the leaf blower from Fort Wayne, I could start that sucker up in the hallway right outside their doors. God, that would be fun. I’d start it up every time I heard the door slam, or the annoying junglebeat of a stereo. I’d wear that leaf blower to shreds in no time.

Just today, I decided to give up hoping that my more quiet, considerate neighborly ways will rub off on the rest. Fuck ‘em all. I’m going to be as noisy as they are. Every time I go in and out of my apartment now, I’m going to pretend like I’m a elephant doing dah bump against the door. It should be liberating once I get past my reservations of being as noisy and inconsiderate as everyone else.

Now I just need to hook up my own surround system. I know exactly what I’m going to play, too: Barry Manilow.

5 Did the Unhingey Jiggy Engage in Unhingenosity
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