On maturing
Tuesday, June 12, 2007, 1:00 PM

So I realized the guy (Hayden Christensen) I was lusting over on TV the other day was only 26-years-old and now I’m feeling … well, grown up. I’m not that ecstatic about it, either.


Other signs I've been inconveniently unable to ignore lately:

I am so not gellin’

Pooping is almost orgasmic

Watching CNN instead of the Netflix movie that just came in the mail

Feeling compelled to say excuse me when I sneeze, like I’ve just farted or something

My eyebrows are growing in thinner, which is good, but why can’t the hair on my legs or under my arms grow in thinner instead?

Realizing I can’t have sex because I’m constipated

Naming my tummy; not because I’m fat or pregnant, but because Bu makes embarrassing noises, so Bu might as well have her own presence

Having to make that horrible hurkle-gurkle throat clearing sound before I say my first word in the morning

I’m no longer quirky, I’m a spectacle

That pressure point reflex thing happens more and more frequently (I guess I should name my butt hole, too)

Peanut butter and grape jelly sandwiches have lost their appeal

I waste time sleeping or reading when I could be Texting


Now, if only I could remember that thing in the thing with the thing ...

4 Did the Unhingey Jiggy Engage in Unhingenosity
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