One hump or two?
Wednesday, October 17, 2007, 7:16 PM

In honor of Hump Day, mkay?

So I'm listening with half an ear to Jeopardy! and one of the contestants is telling Alek Trebeck about her and her father's vacation to Israel umpteen years ago. Apparently this contestant made quite an impression with one of Israel's citizens because he offered to purchase her from her father for twenty camels.

Which--skipping over the frightening, lurid implications such an act implies--made me wonder how much a camel is worth.

I went a-Googling and clicked an ad for a female Bactrian camel, even though my first thought was uh, bacteria?

Her asking price was $16,500.00, so I clicked on that ad thisfast. I'd share the link to the ad, but it's not giving a specific address, just the URL for the main website, so I'll have to share it like so:

Brief description: FEMALE BACTRIAN CAMEL, 8 YRS OLD. HALTER BROKE, LEADS, LOADS. BEEN WITH A MALE SINCE 1/1/07 (Huh-holy CAMEL, is being with a male important? Is this supposed to mean she likes the act of reproduction, even if she hasn't yet produced offspring?)

City : SEYMOUR

State : MISSOURI

Country : USA (Holy camel, I didn't know there were camels FOR SALE in the USA)

Price : 16,500.00 (More than my first car, which was an orange Mercury Bobcat, woo-wee)

Camel's Name : Tilly

Age : 8 (The ad is from 2001, so Tilly is 14-years-old now)

Sex : Female

But I was puzzled about the Bactrian part of the camel. Wut tuh heck was that? Turns out Bactrain camels have TWO humps, which means there's no place to sit. And since I'm clueless about the purpose for ONE hump, I feel sorry for a camel saddled with two.

Why do camels even have a hump? I'm guessing it has something to do with arid desertness and the scarcity of water; maybe the hump (is it hollow?) is good for retaining moisture. And double the moisture-retention of a two-humped camel?

I haven't Googled the what about the hump part of it because it's already after 7:30 and I haven't had dinner yet. Googling for humps isn't a priority, although I am curious and will add it to my list of things to do, right under the bulleted item organize and file G-dammit, I'm losing out on my 401k info. pile of correspondence.

(I really need to win the Lottery. That's all there is to it.)

Before the hump quandary, though, I had to find out what a Dromedary camel is because I couldn't see equating myself with a bacteria-Bactrian camel--whatever that was--and there was the all-consuming need to find out what I was worth in camel dollars. Wikipedia tells me Dromedary camels are noted for their thick eyelashes and small, hairy ears.

Could be me.

Could be me.

But it wasn't until I clicked on the ad for Rosie, who lost her mate, that I realized my true camel worth.

City : Millington

State : Tennessee

Country : USA

Price : 7000.00

Camel's Name : Rosie

Age : 14

Sex : Female

Multiply the asking price of 7,000 by 20, and you get $140,00.00.

::blinka, blink::

2 Did the Unhingey Jiggy Engage in Unhingenosity
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