Sunday, September 30, 2007, 11:59 PM
Yeah, well, I promised to blog. I started this one a few hours ago and typed it through my tears, saved it and walked away, and now here I am again.
What do you do when you're scared with worry, too far away to do any good, and too choked up with emotion and misgivings and guilt to make a phone call, because you know all you'd do anyway is cry? I'm weak. I don't handle worry or stress well, not even on Wellbutrin. And right now I'm scared and angry and feeling like a sham. I am not brave.
I don't write well about my feelings. Or about myself. I never have and I probably never will because I prefer to laugh, and there hasn't been much to laugh about over the past few years. So I haven't written much. I prefer to hide my hurts and fears.
I'm waiting for tomorrow at five o'clock. And if I'm weak right now, I hope to God it's because I've sent all my strength, all my Xs and Os, and my optimism, to Oogie.
Please do good. I love you!
Update 6:49 p.m.: She did good! Oogie was scheduled for heart and stress tests today, and she did good.
I can breathe again.