Pet Peeves
Wednesday, March 14, 2007, 8:32 PM

Just spreading the love, ya'll.

Bicyclists on the sidewalk behind me. There I am, moseying along, arms swinging, pondering how best to split an atom and all of a sudden, this whoosh of air hits the back of my neck and a streak of dark zips by me. Yee-freaking-owl!

There isn’t much better than a stroll down a sidewalk littered with cigarette butts. Even better are lipstick-smudged cigarette butts. Mmmmm, mmmmm. This is why anyone visiting me must check his or her shoes at the door, and shaddup about it.

Girls who don’t flush during their time of the month. I’ve been unlucky enough to espy this revoltingly nasty funk twice in the last couple of months. It makes me want to Superglue the female’s pants on (God help us all if she’s only wearing a skirt). Sure, it could be an odd occurrence by two different people. If that’s the case, I’d be totally okay with public restroom discrimination: Those Who Flush and Wash Hands, and Those Who Don’t Bother.

Anyone who puts me in the uncomfortable position of having to ask for their share of money. This especially goes for rent, and is one of the reasons why I now live alone. Money is difficult for me to talk about under the best of circumstances. Don’t make me have to remind you of your obligation. (Also, it’d be nice if the downstairs neighbor slept in her own apartment, but I can see how that might be asking too much.)


Nitpickers. Some people's habit of nitpicking make them judgmental by default. They seem to be happiest when cataloging and complaining about every piece of negligible crap the rest of the population could care less about. When he or she inevitably steps on toes, it's called “mothering” instead. Can you spell c-o-n-t-r-o-l i-s-s-u-e-s?

People with control issues. Leave your brain in bed, you won’t need it with the controllers of the world—they don’t think you have one, anyway. No, forget that. Avoid these people at all costs, as they will demoralize your spirit quicker than piranha feeding on a cow that’s fallen in the stream.

Goose vs. Gander. The obvious inference, plus anyone who publicly does something they warned me against doing. I witnessed this type of situation last May and responded via an anonymous comment in a blog that prompted an entry of mine. This person knew who I was, so I didn’t consider myself anonymous, as my comment would make sense only to the blog writer. But the writer ended up deleting it rather than calling me on it, which is a shame because some good might have come from it.

I’d write more, but I’m playing it s-m-a-r-t.

If I was really smart, I’d ignore the events that bring these peeves to the fore, but I feel like kicking back this time.

Not a pet peeve: people who underestimate me

5 Did the Unhingey Jiggy Engage in Unhingenosity
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